In the store

When something in the store costs more than 20 dollars:

 Me: I got me 20 dollars today. I got the big bucks. 

("Looking at some speakers for my phone")

Me: Oh shit I'm going to buy them.

("look at the price 17.99. I pick up the box and take it to the cashier")

Cashier: Are you going to buy these. 

Me

Cashier: Let me ring you up. That will be 25.00 please. 

Brain:  WTF wrong with these fool get the hell out of there. 

Me: Oh hell nawwwwwwwwww

(" I walked out the store")

Cashier:

Teacher Makes Jokes 

When my teacher makes the lamest jokes:

Teacher: Hey you guys what did the boy candy say to the girl candy? 

("I'm smirking a little thinking it has to be funny")

 

Me: What does he say.

Teacher: He said we are mint for each other ahahahahaha. 

Me: Bitch that ain't even funny just stop.

Homework 

When i finally do my homework and the teacher doesn't check it:

Me: Did my damn homework today.

("Walks in the class and go up to the teachers desk")

Me: Hey Mrs. Ding Dong i did my homework today. 

("teacher smiles")

 

Teacher: Good job but I'm not taking it for a grade, but glade you did it anyway

Me:

My Shoes

 

 

When my new shoes get stepped on:

 

 



Me: "Whistling"

 

("Then someone bumps into me")

 

Person: Oh Im so sorry.

 

Me: Oh its okay no problem.

 

("Then i look down at my new Jays and i see a scratch")

 

Me: Oh hell no !!!

 

("person is walking away")

 

person:

 

("I walk back up to the person")

 

Me:  Them shits was new.



Substitute

 

 

 

When a student tells me that our teacher is gone for the day:

 

 

 

Me: Oh hell yeeeeeaaaaaa!!! I'm not doing no work today and im acting up.

 

("I'm walking to class before i get inside")

 

 

Me:

 

("When i look inside the classroom i see our regular teacher")

 

 

 

 

Me:

 

 



Dog Farts

Dog farts in kitchen near me:

("When I smell it")

 

Me:

("Oh Hell Nooooo!!!") 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Dog:

I'm off Punishment

 

When my dad tell me i'm off punishment:

 

 

 

Dad: You are off punishment

 

Me: Yes im so excited

 

Me: Time to go outside!!!!

 

("Dad calls me back im not done talking to you yet")

 

 

Me:

 

 

 



Karate Kid

 

The fight scene:

 

 

 

Me: "I can't watch they're going to beat him up"

 

("The kid wins the round")

 

 

Me: Yeeeeeeeessssssssssss!!! 

 

 



Mom I'm Hungry

Me: Hey mom can you cook me something to eat i am so hungry.

 

Mom

 

Me: " Stupid gosh can't never get any food cooked for me"

 

Mom: What Did You Say!!

 

Me: "nothing I love you"

 

("Mom walks away into the other room")

 

Me